My Friend Always Focuses On Her Own Life: Is It Time to Cut Her Off?
I have been friends with a woman, a person who's overcome several hardships, her resilience is commendable. However, she's often taken by surprise by people. Her husband left her, which came as a massive blow. Several of her social circle vanished then, because they seemed drawn to her husband. She was stunned by her. She put in more effort to be my friend, and must have realised more acutely the essence of true friendship.
The Pattern With Friends Drifting Away
Over the years, several of her friends have drifted apart and she isn't sure why. Her previous job became hostile, even though she had been an excellent employee, and she left without knowing why things shifted.
Current Dynamics
Lately, we have each stepped back from work and are seeing time together, yet I realize my position in the relationship feels one-sided. I start subjects only for her to redirect the talk toward things she cares about. Regarding political views, she holds firm beliefs. My effort is to suggest verifying facts and different perspectives.
She is organizing a vacation to a nation I have traveled to repeatedly even called home for some time. I tried to share personal experiences, yet it was not welcomed. She purely only wanted validation of her choices. I've just ended four weeks in that country and she wants to reconnect, however, I hesitate.
Weighing the Options
I don't want to act as a friend that walks away without a word, but I don't think she will ever comprehend the consequences of how she acts on my self-esteem. Right now, my state is avoidance mode. How should I proceed?
Possible Paths
It's possible to cut and run, however, that approach is not often the peaceful resolution we hope for. However, addressing it aiming for working things out requires bravery and readiness for each of you.
Therapists recommend using a useful conflict resolution tool:
"The first step involves describing the usual pattern in your conversations. This needs to be as factual as possible and basically an unbiased account. Step two involves sharing her how it affects you emotionally. This allows for no dispute on this point. What you feel belong to you, naturally. Step three involves requesting ways you together can shift the dynamics between you."
Keep in mind that she also holds perspectives, meaning you must to stay open to acknowledge it. A helpful technique involves stating to the other person:
"It's your turn to speak and I promise to remain silent for a set time."It's wildly effective for promoting mutual respect.
Final Thoughts
This person might reject everything, for those who have a deep-seated story: they rely on a story regarding their experiences they cannot abandon since their identity is tied to it being the only thing familiar to them. It's tough as there is no clear path in such cases, only cul-de-sacs. Yet she could start out like this then consider your perspective. If you don't achieve an agreement, it provides peace from having been truthful.
